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There are a lot of reasons we stick around with people we know are not good for us. Maybe they’re a security blanket, maybe we’re lonely, or maybe we’re seeking external approval. But no matter the reason the wrong person is in your life, as soon as you realize they’re not the one for you, that should be the end of it, not the beginning of the end. Now, if you have a friend with benefits (you don’t have feelings for) or love flirty-texting that hot coworker, you do you, girl. But those people you go to out of loneliness, comfortability, or insecurity? They’re just holding you back. Know what you deserve, be honest with yourself, and don’t settle. Bonus tip: Unfollow on social media. Just do it!
In reality, just being nice to a girl you like doesn’t convert her into your girlfriend magically. Don’t nurse fantasies of dating a girl while sticking around her and doing nice things hoping to get noticed. The best route to take – coupled with being nice to her – is to ask her out on a proper date. Let her know how you feel about her. This will let her know that you’re not just around her for casual friendship. If you don’t do this, there’s a high probability you’ll end up in the friendzone. Dating apps are convenient because they remove all the anxiety it takes to work up to a woman, build friendship, and ask her out on a date. But that convenience can quickly become addicting. And this isn’t a good thing for several reasons.
Studies show that intelligence is one of the major things women look at when choosing a romantic partner. And one of the reasons women find intelligence attractive, as many women have confessed, is how intelligence manifests in a man. For instance, if you’re in a conversation (or an argument) with an intelligent man, he’s able to show you how independent his mind is. Instead of just agreeing with everything the woman says, he’s going to present unique perspectives that are going to make the women look at the world differently. And this isn’t something most women come across every day. Furthermore, intelligent men are just more self-aware. They can handle conversations better and handle themselves properly. Women find all these charming.
Set healthy boundaries – even before you meet: It’s natural to flirt via messages and conversations in the beginning stages of dating. You’re pursuing a romantic connection, after all! However, if your date is crossing boundaries and making you feel uncomfortable, politely let them know immediately. For example, if they make an advance that feels like too much too soon, express your feelings: “That makes me feel uncomfortable, could we take a step back from that please?”
Next up: Playing hard to get or waiting for the other person to make the first move. Besides outdated gender roles, these “rules” come from the idea that whoever cares less in the relationship is the one who has the most power. But should love be about power? It’s OK to care; we’re supposed to care about each other. So what does it matter if you “come on too strong” or “care more?” Be true to your feelings and what you want. Oh, and making the first move can save us a lot of time wondering if they like us back.
Work through your baggage. Everyone has a few scrapes and scars from previous experiences that can creep into their love lives. For instance, maybe your parents failed to show you consistent affection, and now you find yourself being extra needy in relationships. Or maybe your ex cheated on you, leaving you with some serious trust issues. Regardless of what baggage you’re carrying around, it’s time to dig deep and work through it. Otherwise, it may prove next to impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone new. Bottom line? Clear your mind of “the one who got away” and you’ll have a much easier time recognizing someone great when you see them. Whether that means meditating, working with a therapist or dating coach, practicing self-care, or keeping yourself busy with healthy distractions, the point is that you’ll be far more likely to actually achieve your romantic goals IRL, rather than just in your head.
One reason why many singles struggle to find lasting love is that they have what’s called a “bad picker.” They keep chasing after the same type of person — say, a bad boy with a fear of commitment, a beautiful but shallow woman who’s only after their money, or a controlling man who they mistake for caring and protective. Then they wonder why all their relationships seem to end the same way. If you’ve been having deja vu in dating — and not in a good way — it’s probably a good idea to shake things up and get out of your comfort zone. Specifically, letting someone else find you a date can prevent you from falling prey to those same old toxic habits.
How you feel when you are with them is another important factor. If you feel easy, safe and secure effortlessly, it is a green flag. They have created an atmosphere which is safe and feels like home to you where you can discuss everything and anything with them. Everyone is busy with their hectic personal and professional lives, but the one who makes time for you despite being busy is a green flag. If they take time to spend moments with you within their jam-packed schedule, then this is a green sign that they are the one who cares for you and loves you.
Don’t…be afraid to let others know you are looking to date. Your circle may know others of a similar mindset and interests, so tapping into your network might just work best for you. Do…listen more than you talk for the first few dates. It’s important to genuinely get to know your date, understand what they are passionate about and whether that is in line with what you are looking for. Give your date attention and give yourself a chance to really get to know them.