Divorce is a very hard situation and nobody should get through it alone. Do you need divorce help? Whether you’re at the beginning of the divorce process or in the thick of it, I can’t stress enough how helpful it can be to share your experience with others who are in or have gone through a divorce. Connecting with someone who’s been in your shoes can help put things in perspective, or at least make you feel a little less alone. If you don’t already have a friend who has gone through divorce, you can seek out a community that suits you.
It will help if you try to keep things as normal as possible in your life. Do not skip meals or change sleeping habits. Positive routines like using your to-do list and calendar will help you keep focus. Exercise is always a great way to relieve stress. Try not to isolate yourself from your friends. Try to maintain a positive outlook and do not let yourself be lured into needless conflicts with your spouse. You will need his signature on a settlement agreement before your divorce is over. You will still be parents together for years after the divorce. Take it one day at a time. Focus on the present and not the past. Try to control only those things within your control. Many things in a divorce are outside of your control but you cannot blow those things out of proportion. Make a plan and work on it. That is how you will take control of your divorce and not let it take control of you.
The best advice for divorcing parents I’ve received and share with my clients is: Be sure that you love your kids more than you may hate your ex! Otherwise, you will make decisions based on anger, resentment, revenge, hurt, or retaliation. And that ultimately affects the well-being of your children. Kids love both parents and are hurt, confused and torn when parents ask them to take sides, become confidants, messengers, or spies. What I learned is that children not put in this position do better during and after the divorce. They are not exposed to parental conflict and they adapt better to post-divorce life. The advice I have for all divorcing parents is to be a role model for your children. Show them how to cope with challenges and adversity with dignity, maturity, and integrity. Teach them to pick their battles and learn to let go of anger and resentment. Your kids will thank you in the long run.
Work together with a divorce financial planner or tax accountant to minimize the total taxes you and your spouse will pay during separation and after divorce; you can share the money you save. Don’t forget that both spouses are liable for taxes due as a result of audits on joint returns, so it’s usually in your best interest to work together and minimize possible liabilities. If you’re facing complicated tax issues in your divorce, it’s best to consult with an experienced family law attorney and an accountant. Divorcing spouses usually underestimate living expenses when they produce their initial budget for temporary alimony (also referred to as “maintenance”), and later find that they aren’t able to cover all of their bills. Use a financial professional to help you produce an accurate and complete budget.
I created DreamsRecycled after my own divorce, to help both men and women like me through their journey. My story is unique as I literally dreamt of the idea in the middle of my own stressful divorce proceedings. What started as the only marketplace specializing in divorce, quickly grew to become the premier one stop resource for all your before, during and after divorce needs. Read more info on Divorce community.